Types of People You Should Never Marry

Considering marriage?  Certain species of human you want to avoid like leprosy because your peace of mind, your future, and your very life may be at high risk of unraveling.

I can’t possibly enlist all the configurations of crazy and instability and irresponsibility that exist.  You can know them when you see them.  But certain people exhibit clusters of traits that may not be in your best interest to pursue.  The following word pictures will exemplify what I am trying to convey:

Peter Pan.  The man or woman child who refuses to grow up.  Being stuck on perpetual childhood as in the proverbial “the best childhood lasts forever.”   Sometimes childhood translates (though it’s not necessary) into irresponsibility, capriciousness, ill decision-making, temper tantrums , or worse, being stuck on stupid.  If you are having to swap diapers for an oversized child whose idea of romance involves playing the let’s-be-babies game with no sign of let up, you need to make an easy choice and vacate their lives before the screams and soiled diapers take a chunk out of your sanity.  These individuals aren’t ready for Prime Time.  Marriage is about two responsible individuals cooperating, not about one individual having to oversee the other in an endless crib of misery.

Douche Bagstan.  Once upon a time there was this person named Douche, from the land of Bagstan who you thought was Prince George-ous  and whose kiss you believed would work wonders but he-she only managed to smear slime on your face.  Douche can be the worse piece of humanity, sometimes quite incorrigible.   Their personality and character traits are worse than merely depraved.  Douche have no regard for you.  They will worship at the altar of self-centeredness and will display an amazing and consistent pattern of insulting your intelligence, your values, and any sense of decency.  Douches are factory made for crudity and vulgarity and not giving a crap about your feelings or well being.  Douche is an expert at drilling holes into your self-esteem.

Frankenstein.  Beware of the Monster, Dr.!  He or she might be your creation.  Really.  Some people are in a relationship with a project, not a person.  You are trying to fix him/her, and/or fashion them into an image you have conjured up in your wicked or otherwise misguided imagination.  People are who they want to be.  However, why are you bent on engineering a disaster instead of seeking out a reliable, trustworthy partner for life?  If you are disordered yourself, most likely you are going to influence whoever you come into contact with in all the wrong ways.  Negativity can be contagious.  Your personal pathologies are fully transferable and it usually does not take long before your beau or Coquettish Ingenue picks up your cues and begins acting accordingly.   High five Doctor!  You are unstable and you are a genius.   The universe could not be more random than that.  It is not conducive of you to mate with your monster unless you are hell-bound to raising freaks of nature.  Please, if you are twisted and mad use your genius to fix yourself instead of running the risk of crafting a freak relationship doomed for ruin.

Dark Vader.  The heartless hate machine.  Neurotic, control freak, border line personality disorder.  Massively over reactive, violent, vengeful, lacking in sympathy.  The one-lane brain devoted to all things chaotic.  Dark Vader personality will think that they must destroy whole planets just to state their case and win the war against you.  Abandon hope.  It will be a long shot to win against such a formidable Force.  Don’t be fooled.  If you are in a relationship where your significant other is always trying to bully you or choking you into submission to their whims and fancies, you are in for the thrill hate ride of your life.  The best you will accomplish is losing a limb or the death of one or the two of you.  Better to go out on whimper than on a bang of pain and suffering.

Pin Head. AKA Hell Raiser. Good people open the gates of heaven for you, the not so good will escort you to the portals of the netherworld.  Welcome to hell!  When you get there you will not miss it because the pins will sting you.  Endless torture awaits you because your mate has zero notion of love and compassion and their rule book has horror and torture as the title.  Hell raiser will make sure hell stays as an ever present reality in your relationship and while at it will keep it hot as a bonus.  Nobody should have to suffer needlesly in a realtionship. If the suffering being perpetrated against you is willful, audacious, and purposeful, you need to make a dash away from it.

Anti-Christ.  The Christ-denier, God demolisher.  If you consider yourself a member of the elect people of God, why are you hanging out with the children of darkness?  You are merely asking for trouble.  Your name might very well end up in the 666 club, a foe of the Master.  Stay out.  Don’t go there.  Refuse any association with an unbeliever who attacks, downplays, or wants to steal you away from Christ and your confession of faith.  You think you can save him or her?  Good luck with that.  Last I knew, satan also wins converts.  You don’t want to be on the wrong side of the battle of good versus evil.

The moment of praxis is now!  Please marry right.


Why Playing it Fair May Destroy Your Relationship

You have rooted for a relationship and you made it.  Congratulations! You are swinging high on the romance carousel.  The question now in your mind is this:  How am I going to go about maintaining this precious pearl of love so that neither time nor troll ever demolishes it?

“I am going to play it fair.”  Proposition 50-50.  We slice the cake half-and-half.  You give this much, I’ll give in proportion to your contribution.   Hmmm….. Seems like a deal hard arguing against, except that it might not work.  Insisting on fairness may end up undermining your love.

If we compare the idea of romantic love with a business partnership, then it would be reasonable to expect a return on investment. It is sheer madness not to expect it. Because I am committing to you, I demand to be loved back, to be cherished, and so on.  In this scenario  we treat love as a contract where the parties agree to fulfill their share of stipulations.  When love shifts to marriage the stakes rise higher as our roles acquire new dimensions and responsibilities.

Problem is, romantic love is not a business.  What if my inventory runs out and my resources depleted? Should I bail out and call off the relationship because he or she can’t comply with their part of the deal?   “He is not calling as much.”  “She doesn’t text first, anymore.”  “She forgets my birthdays.”  “He won’t initiate sex.” Let me be fair then: I won’t call as much, I am going to stop texting first, I am going to forget her birthdays.  And forget about me spreading my legs.

Now you are at a standoff.  Anger and resentment grows.  Your stance for fairness has morphed into payback.  Do you see where your little game of tit-for-tat is going?

Give it all or don’t get in. 

Seriously, why are you getting into a relationship in a half-baked attitude and a mediocre disposition?   Sure enough, nothing is ever certain in love and romance.  People enter into relationships in ambivalence all the time, not knowing what to expect.  We don’t have all the answers. No wonder that love is thought to be blind.  But it is only blind if you so designate it.  It doesn’t have to.

The misery in your relationship has to do with the failure to ask  the hard questions at the beginning and face up the difficult conversations that will define your relationship.  If you are married the reason you are not sexing  up regularly might have to do with failing to create the right kinds of intimacy in other areas.  It could be you don’t ask for sex and you don’t dare to initiate it on a regular basis or on special occasions.  You are afraid to talk about sex.  It is possible your notions of sex are totally rotten and distorted:  ” I will only give him sex if he deserves it.”  There you go champ!    Your righteous fairness has turned you into a manipulative hag of sorts and now the chickens are roasted for you to taste on a later date.  You are well on your way to engineering your own demise.

If you are a diligent lover and partner, you may want to set aside this mindset of fairness.  Sorry again, but 50-50 isn’t going to cut it. You might have to render 110 percent !  Genuine Christ ones give it all, as Christ gave his everything for the world.  He held nothing back and you shouldn’t either because the other party fails to deliver.  Geez dude, wouldn’t that invite abuse and turn me into a loser doormat of a man?  First of all, if you are in an abusive, manipulative relationship, how did you get in there in the first place?  If you are starting out on the dating circuit and getting acquainted, resist the urge to advance further if you see red flags of selfishness, malice, stalking behavior, insanity, and commitment phobia.  For your peace of mind and safety’s sake don’t ignore major character flaws in your potential beau.  You should never think of marrying someone detrimental to your well being.  Duck a bullet. Avoid bedding  the Devil with the intention later to convert her into an Angel.  Worst case scenario is that your tryst will hatch another Devil out of you too.   You may degenerate into playing by their rules and vice and thus perpetuate the madness. It is better to have a bitter end that endless bitterness. So cut yourself loose while you have the chance.  It is not worth risking your life or future with someone not worth your dignity and self-respect.

Fair does not work in relationships because we are dealing with flawed human nature.  You are not married to Jesus, for God’s sake.  If that were so he would ensure you obtain your fifty percent of the deal one hundred percent of the time. People get sick.  Mental incapacity sets in.  We are subject to lay offs and unemployment, emotional and intellectual maladies, and general sinfulness and frailty and death.  Humans falter.  People change.  If your spouse gets injured and becomes bed-ridden, are you going to resent him for not being there for you?  Christian duty summons you to love him sacrificially and unconditionally.  And even if he is not incapacitated, you don’t stop being courteous and generous because he on occasions forgets to or is careless. You never stop loving because he or she is falling behind or pulling back.   This side of existence one hundred percent commitment is not going to happen one hundred percent of the time.  It is not a fair proposition, I know.  But Christianity is not about fairness.  It is about grace and mercy to the undeserving.  If you regard these virtues as not palatable, then Christ isn’t for you.   Truth is there will come a time sooner or later where you will need  mercy and grace.  But if you insist on fairness, you may end up receiving neither.



If Only God Hand Picked a Mate For Me

If God hand picked a mate for you you might not be pleased with the outcome.  

Hosea 1:2-3

“Go and take for you and adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness because the land is guilty of adultery in the vilest form.”

No. That’s not a typo.  It’s not a misprint.   God did tell one guy one time to marry a hooker.  Weird , whacky, and wild , uh!  This story constitutes one of the most salacious dramas in the whole Bible, involving the respectable Man of God and his vice bride.  Think of it.  Hosea is single and well qualified, possessing a distinguished and impeccable prophetic resume.  But the air is about to be sucked out of his guts :  he is commanded to hinge with a virtual prostitute (Hosea 3:3).  How’s that as a an option to enhance his career and life ?  Can you picture the expression in his peers’ and parents ‘ face?

Wanna reconsider the single life again? 

I’m adamant about my stance that God refuses to micromanage anybody’s life.  But poor Hosea disproves my point , right , because God told him exactly who to marry.  Well in life there’s this thing called exemptions.  Not all is black or white out there.   Fifty shades of grey is more than a fictional novel .  God does draw outside the lines sometimes and unless we are dealing with the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule, many things are simply not set in stone .  Even the six hundreds plus commandments of the Torah don’t cover every single aspect of living . We are supposed to fill in the blanks. We must employ our inner moral compass based on that which carries a proven track record for maximizing and enhancing life and happiness:

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praise worthy, think about such things” (Philippians 4:8). 

I take it that God expects us to avail ourselves of informed and sanctified common sense when making critical life choices such as whom to marry.  The rules are not loose and open for negotiation , however.  The parameters are firm and not in flux:

“Don’t be unequally joked with unbelievers ” ( 2 Corinthians 6:14).

Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons” 

Deuteronomy 7:3).  

Simple enough. If that guy or gal doesn’t love Christ and his Word, ditch them.  Fill in the rest.  God isn’t going to finish your homework.   If you are waiting on God to show you by happenstance, vision, dream, or prophetic oracle about the identity of the One, you might as well plan for perpetual bachelorhood .   Take initiative .  Quit being indecisive.  Go out and meet people where people gather.  No not the bar. Not the whore house.  Stay out of the Devil’s Den.   Butterflies don’t hang out in swamps and bat infested dark caves.  They will suck out your blood.  Try the flower fields.   Not all churches are necessarily virtue clubs, but if you find singles there , chances are they aren’t there to be cured of a hangover or needing exorcism.  So I suggest you try the church house and strike out the Penthouse or Big House.  

Desist in having God as your personal life coach.  If God were to give you everything you asked, at your whims and preferences, who would be God?   The difference between God and us is that God doesn’t think he is us.    Give it up .  Get a life.  Make some tough choices.  Take a risk for love. If romance isn’t for you get a puppy , a hobby , a job and go on a quest to conquer the world .  The world is in need of fighters , not wimps and consumers.   

If God has a larger , more strategic purpose for your life, then he might well ask you to marry a shady character, an ex con, a single parent or whatever .  But that isn’t going to happen unless your ears are tuned in and adjusted to hear from God.   You and God have got to be aligned on the same wavelength so that you can discover his will.   And although the Hosea saga may be a one of a kind event , never -to-be-repeated occurrence,  you never will understand what the Lord in his wisdom has laid out for you unless you care to follow orders and be faithful .  

It’s not as complicated as it seems.  

Why doesn’t God do anything about my predicament ?  You gotta be kidding me .  Why don’t you?   You have two healthy legs, start walking !    Ten fingers can accomplish a lot , have you tried them lately?   The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.   Try work . Rumor has it it leads to results. God won’t assume responsibility for all all your choices.   Are you prepared if he pulled a Hosea out his sleeve?  I’m using faulty logic here ( and who uses logic anymore?).   It doesn’t follow that because you surrender will power that God is going to assume control .   No. You are in control .   You are simply misguided.   You are at the wheel.  But not without a reliable guide .   The plan is already published .  Don’t be doing the lame thing of conjuring up your own plan and expecting God to endorse it.   You get aligned with what God is doing.   The path isn’t farther than those 1400 pages of holy Writ.  That’s a good place to start.  

Dating Smart on Dating Sites


Dating  smart means avoiding the potential pitfalls in the online dating market.   I don’t apologize for calling dating a market because it is.  Modern day dating has become a commodity with the best and brightest and most  endowed (and should I add sexiest ) going to the highest bidders.   Online dating isn’t for everybody and if you are old fashioned like me, you probably would rather opt for face-to- face interactions and meetings.  Be that as it may I offer here a few guidelines to help you navigate online dating and perhaps save you from getting burned.  

Online dating services now have endless possibilities, catering to virtually every demographic, whim , and vice.  You read that right. Seriously there are dating sites out there for one night stands , booty calls, gay/bi/transexual kinky sex, orgies, and even for cheating on your spouse , after all , ” you only live once , so cheat now while you have the chance.” Notwithstanding the potential for sin and vice, anecdotal data is abundant of horror stories of dates gone awry and potentially lethal. You only need to google that to help you realize the moral fallout that online dating can bring.

Yeah people are looking for love the world over.   It is human nature. We were created for relationships and intimacy.  Looking for love is as legitimate as looking for your next meal or your next drink.  But let me state that there is a right way and wrong way to go about it.   We who are in Christ are called to be the light and salt of the world.  Date smart.  We’re obliged to follow principles rather than the sway of lust.   If you call yourself a Christ one, a believer , a Gospel person infused with God’s Spirit, what are you doing seeking flowers among the weeds?   Light has no fellowship with darkness and the imperative that we not be unequally bonded with unbelievers isn’t about to be revised for modern sensitivities any time soon.   

Avoid the bad apples.  There’s a solid and inevitable presence of pretentious liars, cheaters, con artists, players, and trolls all over cyberspace. In regards to online dating sites, the virtuous don’t have a monopoly on the dating industry.  Rapists, child molestors, adulterous adventurers and pimps are subscribers of darting services, mind you , but they are not about to reveal that.  The last thing big bad wolf wants to accomplish is disclosing his true intentions to the chickens.  This is acutely so in online dating sites where unscrupulous and malicious “members” prey on the vulnerable and gullible by means of scams, emotional manipulation, and sex games.  Even if a so called member sounds and looks reasonable you might never know what their ulterior motives are.  Nevertheless anyone who asks you for money, prompts you to undress on webcam, wants to meet you in a remote place secretly, etc, isn’t probably looking for your best interest.  You have to employ common sense and avoid suspending seasoned reason and judgment when the rush of hormones in your head suggest otherwise.  If it sounds too good to be true, it isn’t.  Shady characters aren’t limited to people who merely sound incomprehensible ( “wanna chat sometim , travel the world, I wait ya in the corner, don’t bring your phone”), but also include those who seem too desperate, insecure, says he or she has fallen in love with you ( after two days !), and shows unreasonable and suspicious interest in highly private and sensitive areas of your life.   Exercise caution. Practice good dating etiquette by asking questions, never revealing too much, never agreeing to meet privately , and probably letting someone you trust know about your whereabouts with a particular potential date.  One more thing. You probably ought to regard the most trusted online dating sites first before you consider other options.  Trusted sites will have more strict guidelines and ethics that subscribers must adhere to and some even require that you verify your identity as a prerequisite for signing up.   This can save you a lot of headaches should you discover later that your crush was in fact a married person  living a double life or a con artist on the lamb.   

Avoid the complicated tag.   Regarding relationship statuses some people cite “complicated.”  Avoid that like the plague .  Complicated can mean a number things including but not limited to:  “I’m  still in a relationship, but it’s on life support,” ” going through divorce,” ” I just like the sex on the side”!  “currently with someone but keeping my options open,” hmmmmmm.  Really.   Who in his sane skull wants to dip into this cesspool of ambiguity and immorality?  Why would you bath in obvious muddy waters?  One percent sewer, ninety-nine percent water I’m not drinking it.   Complicated tags denote unresolved and possibly salacious life and love stories that will add to your detriment if you aren’t careful.  

Avoid the I-am-up-for-anything profiles.   Sad but true there are people online with zero standards.   You can spot them easily as they usually exhibit an air of pessimism and cynism and sarcasm. You should be able to spot these off the cuff.     Don’t waste your time.   These Dead  Enders would not mind breaking you, showing you contempt and condescension or placing impossible, silly, or unreasonable demands on you ( “I’d like to meet you but don’t expect anything from me,” ” I just want to go along for the ride, should we trade spouses?” “All men are hoes and I’m here to prove it” ” I want to try something kinky with you that no one has attempted before and probably become famous or be arrested for it”).    

Avoid the my-children-are-my-whole-world-and-my-number-one-priority .  It’s a slam dunk people.  If you are dealing with a single parent chances are he or she is telling you the truth.  No one is toying here when they tell you they are irrevocably committed to their children. And that’s a good thing. Except that you my fellow conspirator in dating won’t get to be first place in this person’s life.  You will tag along as an accessory and this person more likely will not assign you a place you at the center but rather you will be lodged on the margins.  If you are single-never-married-no kids your best option is to avoid single parents altogether.  I’m not denigrating single parents at all.  I’m one!  I’m only acknowledging that dating single parents isn’t for everybody.   Not all are suited for the job.  If you are young , fresh out of college, starting a career, you don’t want the added responsibility to parent children not your own.  That might constitute unbearable baggage that will not add to your happiness .   Each case is different and I’m not here offering you blanket advice .   Maybe Christ has called you to love a single parent and his or her kids, as an example of sacrificial, tough love.  So be it if it’s God’s will and you are up to the task.   But that’s not the biblical norm .  Christ wants his people married and then parents, in that order.  Some single parents brought it upon themselves to be in the predicament they are in.  For others it wasn’t their choice at all due to abandonment , divorce ( through no fault of their own)  death, or even rape.   These latter cases maybe more appealing to you rather then the instance where parenthood was attained through drunkness, irresponsibility ( one night stands, group sex) , immaturity (teenage sex) , slutting or whoring around.  

Avoid international dating unless you absolutely can’t find or have given up finding love in your home country and are fully informed about the risks of going for foreign love.  The consequences of international dating can be both mind boggling and catastrophic. Granted some people find their ideal mates outside their home countries all the time, but the experience isn’t as clear cut and hassle free as advertisers promote it.  To begin with there is the issues of money.   International dating demands vast sums of money and that in itself presents a daunting task that is cost prohibitive for most low to median wage earners. You gotta be somewhat rich and have sufficient discretionary income to be able to afford the expensive airline tickets and overseas stays.   That’s not where the greatest risk lies however because of the factors laying with your foreign mate.  Some foreign men and women, particularly citizens of third world countries or countries formerly or currently anatagomist to Christian principles ( think Russia and Communist China , the eastern block like the Ukraine ) are currently in the business of bating suitors of rich countries for money or visas.   This isn’t the stereotypical scam where you get robbed under false pretensions but it’s a more ingenious and cunning device where your so called soulmate goes along with the courtship and marriage but then dumps you once she or he gains entry into your country or lays hold of your bank account.   It’s nearly impossible to verify the genuine intentions of someone overseas who claims to love you.   Is she loving you because of who you are or because she sees you as here ticket to a visa?   You never know and the few times and restricted instances where you can meet and  chat with this person ( mostly through texting, Skype) may not be adequate enough to overcome hidden agendas they are plotting against you.   This sham and scam works both ways as many people of the first world sign up for international dating services with the sole aim of pursuing sex tourism trips in sex paradises like the Philippines, Brazil, and  Thailand.  Know what you are getting yourself into.  With international  dating you can’t afford to remain ignorant.  Do your research well and pray that you will be safeguarded from damaging and debilitating foreign dates.  Know your target potential mates sufficiently to make an informed decision and not suffer regret later and a broken bank account and shattered dreams. 

In sum.  Stay way from the ominous kiss of death.  Skip the poisonous grapes.  Online dating can both be a blessing or a curse. It depends on how smart you are and how eager you are to do your homework.  I should underscore that I’m not endorsing dating sites nor do I advocate that my fellow singletons attend there as their first choice for finding romance and marriage.   Some of you are doing it and more will follow suit.  To them I say , ” welcome to the world of dating as a commodity.”  If you happen to subscribe and get the fuzzy feeling that you are engaged in a competition, you are!   The dating carousel is available to all to peruse ( sometimes for a price) , designate, discriminate, and dump.  Don’t get your feelings hurt and don’t get offended easily because someone blew you off. Remember there’s thousands of customers vying for the best faces and the best profiles. Why should you be Number One for anybody ?   If you can’t answer that question yourself , nobody else will.   This is perhaps a little bit like the Steve Jobs Effect: “people don’t know what they want until you show them.”  Can you show that ? Can you demonstrate that you are a viable candidate for this enterprise called love not because you have the cutest face and the killer job, but because you can deliver on those more enduring qualities that everyone yearns for but can’t articulate like loyalty , trustworthiness, resiliency, spirituality , and courage ?  And by all means , use your online dating experience to witness for Christ .  For many singles, that’s the only true love that they need at the moment.