Inglorious Singles

Pack of raveous wolves.  Google images 2017

Singleness can be a  hazardous enterprise.   Singles live less than marrieds.  They get sick more often and are less likely to recover sooner. Singles tend to drive faster, engage in risky behaviors, and die from drug overdoses at a rate higher than those in relationships.  Marrieds will party until it is time to go to work and get the kids to school.  Singles however, will party until someone gets pregnant, arrested, or assaulted.

The great narrative of human life in this speck of blue dust is that one ought to get hinged, preferably with someone we fall in love.  Then the march is on to form a family with this significant other, own a home, a dog, a car, and retire and play golf in perpetual bliss.

One vastly overstated and popular stigma tagged against singles is that they are lost, misguided, and they don’t know what they want.  Being at the height of their sexual powers they are more likely than not to engage in borderline and off the wall sexual behavior.  Single playboys and playgirls lack the conformity and uniformity that a predictable family setting offers.   And the longer they stay single, the worse their prospects and those of society.  The rest of us who are settled and responsible often feel we have to subsidize (i. e paying higher car insurance rates) the immaturity and stupidity of many a singles who play it wild and very loco .  Get a life.  Get married.  If single doesn’t get you to a point of stability and coolheadedness, it will land you in prison, lulu land, and endless cynicism.  So goes the endless warnings.

I’ve painted this portrayal with a broad brush.  Over simplifications of dry and boring demographic data doesn’t cut it for those outside the mold.  I doubt most singles are pirates engaged in crusades of predation, rape, pillage, and plunder.  Maybe it is true that having few and weak social bonds makes you susceptible to living on the edge, predisposed to violence, drug abuse, and  reckless jerk behavior.  Most people dislike pirates for that reason.  But piracy isn’t our sole concern.  We have clowns to deal with whose principal mischief is not taking life seriously.  Their relationships are as superficial as the makeup plastered on their faces.  Everything is a joke.  Their job is a joke. Their loved ones are a joke. They laugh when approached with a serious matter, an indication that they care little about you, and what you have to say.  They laugh at you, at your weaknesses, your misfortunes,and your dignity.  They will laugh while inappropriately farting and defecating all while denying it and blaming it on you (hence the expression: are you sh–ing me!!!, you are full of s-it, f-ck that s-it).  Their life mission can be summed up by the thrill and thirst for endless entertainment and little responsibility.

Playboys, pirates, and clowns. All inglorious in their own malignant way.  Have they any hope?  First of all. Give up the tendency to label people as in the fashion where a casual predisposition is mistaken for character.  Most of us, if pushed against the wall, will portray major flaws in character and patterns of behavior that can be detrimental under certain conditions (hanging out at the barber shop will probably get you a haircut and touring the local whore house will do little for your virtue).  Deeply ingrained patterns of sinfulness don’t develop overnight.  No one simply leaps out the uterus being a world-class douchbag or a b–ch. Unless you have been pirating most of your life, you could hardly be said to be beyond the pale, to the extent you are eligible as a recruit in ISIS.  What you need perhaps is an attitude adjustment,  wise, mature company, psychiatric intervention, or regular spiritual disciplines of Bible reading and prayer and church attendance.  Strolling out at the bar never fashioned saints and Nobel laureates.

Second of all. WE ARE our brothers keepers.  When we see people in trouble, do we lash out in judgment or try to help?  Cain had a bone to pick with his brother.  Rather than sort it all out he allowed resentment to grow and aggravate.  His unchecked resentment boosted his hatred and his hatred open the gateways of fratricide.  The more we judge others for their misconduct or some grievance, real or imagined, the more we will hate them.  And hate, my friend, has zero redeeming qualities.  Hate will only seek to even the score, to hurt, and to alienate.  Help your single friend or acquaintance in trouble.  Maybe your help has not been solicited or is not welcomed.  If it is not solicited, ask.  The answer will always be no if you don’t ask.  If it is not welcomed, well, leave to God in prayer, always asking for mercy and grace.  You can win many battles on your knees than you could do by ranting and raving and berating your fellow troubled humans.

Love always wins battles.  Hate never does.