How to be Bald

Be bold while bald

There are worse things than losing your hair and that’s losing your head.  Make sure you keep that one screwed on.  By the way don’t try anything stupid like getting yourself scalped.  You are unlikely to recover your hair for the time being.   Last I heard there is no insurance against hair loss.

I was born bald and to baldness I shall go.  Being bald is like being single: we are born that way.  If you are going bald right now, as I am, it is an experience akin to reverting to your baby days.  Conversely, so it is losing your teeth.   I do have an advantage over some guys though: I don’t expect to switch to diapers any time soon.

You can remedy the situation at one of the gentlemen clubs , hair saloons, and the like .  Expect to get your hair piece in one of two editions : ridiculous and laughable, or at best mug shot perfect. I am simply curious that after centuries of scientific and technologic progress and awesome feats of beautification products (plastic surgery, nose jobs, boob jobs, butt lifts, etc.) no one has come up with a credible wig to the satisfaction of most. Why do you suppose that all his billions can not make this guy’s head look half way decent :

trump

Even if you manage to take your hair two meters down there and you end up looking like something out of the Shaun of the Dead , rest assured the drive of decay will leave you scalped so that your grave will always contain a bald version of you, with no posterity to witness it.   Praise God.

zombie2

Better bald than dead.

If you are reading this and are already going bald or you are passed the point of no return, have the courage to get to old age in a rather gracious way rather than pout and throw a pity party of bitterness and anger.  Remember, sometimes the best path through a storm is right through it.

God Bless

 

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A few tips on becoming a suave single

Last time I heard singleness is still the optimal launching pad for planning  a journey of meaning and consequence. Singleness is suave because it presents possibilities you lose while married.  Reduced to the lowest common denominator, staying single is as easy as doing nothing, nada, nitzch.

An old teacher once told my class : ” if you want to be invisible use only cash and don’t tell anyone where you are.”  With singleness , mind you , you don’t have to try as hard. Singleness is your default mode.  Reversing your single status will take some mess and muddle as no one ever escapes unscathed from affairs of the heart.

Where do you stand? Either you fall into the continuum of stability, success, and sexiness to tenth power or, your life is somewhat stuck between stupid and mediocre and your so-called accomplishments qualify only in the Guinness Book of the Ridiculous and Laughable. No monuments are ever erected to critics and cynics. The same goes for those who major in lame-and-mundane projects as inconsequential as farts in the wind.

Stop being a Kid 

There is this grand revolutionary idea worth exploring called adulthood.  You ought to try it sometime if you haven’t.  The world will be a better place if you get past your Peter Pan delusions.

Make your Christian faith count for something. Jesus’ directive “GO into the world………..” (Matthew 28) is for all who subscribe to the Christ Way, not exclusively for the cream of the crop of super spirituals.  Someone somewhere needs the light that only you can beam. Why doesn’t God do something about all the evil in the world? He has. He has recruited you as a resource for goodness. God is not going to do all the work himself. Buckle up with prayer, passion, and purpose.  You are already on the side of Christ the Lord’s winning army. Kindle your fire else degenerate in the frozen wasteland of irrelevance and futility (Revelation 3:16).

Look Nice

Better late than ugly.  Hopefully you won’t have to explain that to the boss.  Have you checked the mirror lately? Are you cognizant that your particular arrangement of atoms has never existed nor will ever exist again?  That God created the world beautiful (Genesis 1-2) is probably a hint that you ought to sharpen  your sexy self instead of feeling sorry for having looks well below the jackpot .  Unleash the sexyness because it is an honor to look and smell clean.  Don’t ever think that people will forgive or promote your reputation for stinkiness. Take notice when people say you look better in the dark! If your mirror starts noticing and sneers and laughs at you for not tidying up, that is a ominious sign that you probably ought to dash in soap’s direction. You are not to be a people pleaser or attempt to score points in the instruments of self-promotion a la Facebook.  There is no staying power in social media.  The span of attention there is as thin as the screen of your iPhone. You need to be well cut and clean because you want to honor the Creator who made a masterpiece of you, not a factory clone.  Ultimately, being ugly is a choice.  Rooting for true beauty goes well beneath the level of skin.

Become a skilled lover

Learn the A to Z’s of love and relationships.  Unless you are a rock, you will have to  connect with others.  Many of societal dysfunctions could be resolved if troll inspired characters stopped channeling hate, crude rants, obscenities, and vulgarities and instead acquire the skills to be expert lovers who achieve peace and unity everywhere.

Don’t become another Ignoramus

Life is hard, but ignorance is worse. Ignorance is bliss only in a situation where you could benefit handsomely for it, such as in your fantasies.  Avoid the situation where you are a certified Know-Nothing to the extent that you are totally perceived as an impertinent imbecile, solidly unreliable and untrustworthy and where the only seemingly intelligent part of you are your prescription glasses.  Ours is an ethos of paranoia, suspicion, homophobia, and hatred.  We need educated folks that can tackle the chaos and trudge through the minefields of world problems that besiege humanity.  With all the world’s knowledge instantly at our disposal and almost totally free, there is zero excuse for refusing to deploy the tools of knowledge to be world shapers and shakers.

 

Types of People You Should Never Marry

Considering marriage?  Certain species of human you want to avoid like leprosy because your peace of mind, your future, and your very life may be at high risk of unraveling.

I can’t possibly enlist all the configurations of crazy and instability and irresponsibility that exist.  You can know them when you see them.  But certain people exhibit clusters of traits that may not be in your best interest to pursue.  The following word pictures will exemplify what I am trying to convey:

Peter Pan.  The man or woman child who refuses to grow up.  Being stuck on perpetual childhood as in the proverbial “the best childhood lasts forever.”   Sometimes childhood translates (though it’s not necessary) into irresponsibility, capriciousness, ill decision-making, temper tantrums , or worse, being stuck on stupid.  If you are having to swap diapers for an oversized child whose idea of romance involves playing the let’s-be-babies game with no sign of let up, you need to make an easy choice and vacate their lives before the screams and soiled diapers take a chunk out of your sanity.  These individuals aren’t ready for Prime Time.  Marriage is about two responsible individuals cooperating, not about one individual having to oversee the other in an endless crib of misery.

Douche Bagstan.  Once upon a time there was this person named Douche, from the land of Bagstan who you thought was Prince George-ous  and whose kiss you believed would work wonders but he-she only managed to smear slime on your face.  Douche can be the worse piece of humanity, sometimes quite incorrigible.   Their personality and character traits are worse than merely depraved.  Douche have no regard for you.  They will worship at the altar of self-centeredness and will display an amazing and consistent pattern of insulting your intelligence, your values, and any sense of decency.  Douches are factory made for crudity and vulgarity and not giving a crap about your feelings or well being.  Douche is an expert at drilling holes into your self-esteem.

Frankenstein.  Beware of the Monster, Dr.!  He or she might be your creation.  Really.  Some people are in a relationship with a project, not a person.  You are trying to fix him/her, and/or fashion them into an image you have conjured up in your wicked or otherwise misguided imagination.  People are who they want to be.  However, why are you bent on engineering a disaster instead of seeking out a reliable, trustworthy partner for life?  If you are disordered yourself, most likely you are going to influence whoever you come into contact with in all the wrong ways.  Negativity can be contagious.  Your personal pathologies are fully transferable and it usually does not take long before your beau or Coquettish Ingenue picks up your cues and begins acting accordingly.   High five Doctor!  You are unstable and you are a genius.   The universe could not be more random than that.  It is not conducive of you to mate with your monster unless you are hell-bound to raising freaks of nature.  Please, if you are twisted and mad use your genius to fix yourself instead of running the risk of crafting a freak relationship doomed for ruin.

Dark Vader.  The heartless hate machine.  Neurotic, control freak, border line personality disorder.  Massively over reactive, violent, vengeful, lacking in sympathy.  The one-lane brain devoted to all things chaotic.  Dark Vader personality will think that they must destroy whole planets just to state their case and win the war against you.  Abandon hope.  It will be a long shot to win against such a formidable Force.  Don’t be fooled.  If you are in a relationship where your significant other is always trying to bully you or choking you into submission to their whims and fancies, you are in for the thrill hate ride of your life.  The best you will accomplish is losing a limb or the death of one or the two of you.  Better to go out on whimper than on a bang of pain and suffering.

Pin Head. AKA Hell Raiser. Good people open the gates of heaven for you, the not so good will escort you to the portals of the netherworld.  Welcome to hell!  When you get there you will not miss it because the pins will sting you.  Endless torture awaits you because your mate has zero notion of love and compassion and their rule book has horror and torture as the title.  Hell raiser will make sure hell stays as an ever present reality in your relationship and while at it will keep it hot as a bonus.  Nobody should have to suffer needlesly in a realtionship. If the suffering being perpetrated against you is willful, audacious, and purposeful, you need to make a dash away from it.

Anti-Christ.  The Christ-denier, God demolisher.  If you consider yourself a member of the elect people of God, why are you hanging out with the children of darkness?  You are merely asking for trouble.  Your name might very well end up in the 666 club, a foe of the Master.  Stay out.  Don’t go there.  Refuse any association with an unbeliever who attacks, downplays, or wants to steal you away from Christ and your confession of faith.  You think you can save him or her?  Good luck with that.  Last I knew, satan also wins converts.  You don’t want to be on the wrong side of the battle of good versus evil.

The moment of praxis is now!  Please marry right.