The Anti-Valentine

For those who are terrible lovers, regret loving, fail to love, can’t love, were crushed in the process, or simply hate the idea thereof.  A few sobering thoughts……….

DISCLAIMER: No I am not being cynical about Valentine.  Go ahead an celebrate to the fullest.  Pass the wine cup, revel in the flowers.  Inch up on your belly with the next row of chocolate.  Love is beautiful full circle.  I believe in love.  We were made for it, not merely as benefactors, but as givers, love givers, as God is.

Been there, done that.  That is, I’ve experienced the rollercoaster ride of love. I’ve also crashed and burned and for the mercy of me, I wasn’t able to recover the million stray pieces.  It is over.  Don’t misunderstand.  I didn’t give up on the idea of love, but I did decide this particular love wasn’t for me.  I am not claiming victimhood.  I am no saint. I did my share of transgressions and follies.  I acknowledge my role in the breakup, the divorce proceedings, and the ensuing chaos.  What is left of me?  My life.  I have this life left to live for all that is worth.  And when there is life there is hope.

Sometimes love has to end. It’s necessary.  Perhaps to save your sanity, your safety, your peace of mind, your life.  No I am not suggesting for anyone to proceed and bid adieu to your beau at a whim only because he or she is less than the ideal mate.  Maybe your relationship barely started and needs sharpening a little bit.  Maybe one or the two of you can be rehabilitated.  Perhaps the demons that torment you can be exercised.   Go ahead. Sign up for counseling.  Enter rehab. Sign up for couple’s anger management.  Do something and stop being a selfish fatalist prick who expects to sink with the ship.

Only you can draw the line. How much have you put up with?  What have you been tolerating and how much further can you go?  Somewhere, somehow the line will be drawn. Circumstances will force you to.  If you regard yourself as a self-respecting individual worthy of dignity and respect, only because you are a human being, then you are going to want to take charge of your love life.  Merely being a conformist and sailing with the flow of things might mean you have died!  There is nothing left of you.  Will your relationship survive the abuse, the affairs, the indifference, the sheer stupidity and immaturity?  I don’t know.  Is it possible? Is it probable?  It depends.  Are you both willing and able to make it work?  Can you compromise, heal, forgive, and forget?

If your answer above is either “I won’t” or “I can’t,” sorry to break it to you, but you are not suited for this.  You have become the Anti-Valentine.  Your rather wallow in self-pity anger, and bitterness.  You refuse to change.  Give it up.  Grant yourself and your mate some deserved space and peace of mind.  Resist the hormonal urges to go and grab another piece of skin.  Why, you are a high risk rebound.  Quit.  Split. File for divorce if it is appropriate.  Why continue to dig each other’s graves?  Why the persistence in filling the role of the next man or lady-killer?   No one wins the battles of the heart.  Correction. Actually somebody does and it is the attorneys crafting your divorcee decree at lucrative rates.  It is the lesser of two evil, really.  The relentless path towards madness ends at destruction.  There is no worse enemy to a relationship than the willful refusal to make it wholesome, safe, and constructive for all concerned.   If this is not where you stand, then realize my friend you picked the wrong vocation.  Sign up for singleness.  Classes are still open and many seats available.  A candidate has yet to be rejected for a singles’ profession.

 

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