Romance Imposible: The Tall Tales of the Undateables


SIMPLY  put there are singles who can’t find romance. Or they won’t.  

  • You are trying to find your unicorn in the zoo. See a problem with that? 
  • You have deeply ingrained personal flaws that repel rather than attract members of the opposite sex


  • You have highly unrealistic expectations about what love is supposed to do


  • Your standards are off the wall.  I mean you are holding up  a guy to the size of Jesus and deem him inadequate if he doesn’t foot the bill. Therefore you end up crucifying him. Reality is some of us would certainly find flaws in Christ if we were to date him ( Jesus attended loud parties, drank wine, talked to women [a no-no for the insecure, overly attached jealous girlfriends ], hang out with the down-and-outs and riff raff of society, didn’t wash before eating , etc).  

Disclaimer: Standards are needed.  You are setting yourself up for failure and disappointment if your habit is to recruit the first available mediocre Jane off the street only because.  But this is exactly the scenario adopted by many unsuspecting , impressionable, and naive singles.  They uncritically ubscribe to the myth of love at first sight and other romantic hogwash perpetrated by songs and films.  The end result is that you get hinged to a total stranger who is all a polished image on the outside but is possessed of insignificant substance in matters of the heart.   Here arises the legend of the creep, the prick, the douchbag , and the bitch.  Why , there was no writing in the wall about their detrimental character.  Wrong. You didn’t invest time in getting to know them first.  You fell for their image while the real person was locked up inside ready to lurk out once all the charade of pretense is over.  Admittedly all of us put our best foot forward while pursuing love and romance while our true self awaits discovery sometime after the honeymoon. 

A common stereotype has it that women date status and men date sex appeal and youth.  But that is romance at the level of the lowest common denominator.  If pushed to the wall any girl would like that guy sporting the Porsche and flashing the six -figure 500 Fortune executive job. No guy would hesitate dating the top rank of the supermodels.  Our culture admires sexiness and achievement. All of us , secretly or overtly simply longs to hold hands with someone who has their life up on a golden throne.   Pure economics and sex appeal won’t cut the ice however, in terms of sustaining a long term relationship.  If that were true the sexiest and most privileged in our society would have the most successful marriages and the least divorces. But that is not so .  Celebrities and magnates and models divorce at about the same rate as the rest of us simpletons.   What if he loses his job?  What about when the sex appeal fades ?  Are you going to jump ship and look for greener pastures or are you going to dumpt her for the next younger of her peers? 

Maybe you can’t find a decent date because you are too picky and judgemental.  Or you have significant trust issues due to a past bitter love experience. “All guys are the same. ” Really , who told you to try them all?  

  • She only finished high school
  • He doesn’t own a car
  • She rents , not own a home
  • He buys his clothes at Walmart 
  • She has a rocky past
  • He still lives with his parents 

You need to be clear and honest about what you want.  Sure enough everybody is entitled to date someone of their choosing according to some criteria.  The problem is some singles don’t know what they are aiming for.  They can’t decide.  Anything goes.  How about you begin with a wish list and work yourself though the deal breakers.   Our culture expects us to fall in love rather spontaneously , epically , magically almost, and we don’t give much thought to loving smart.  How to fall in love and succeed is not taught in school.  We leave that to common conventions , instinct, or the call of nature .  We easily abandon reason and good judgment when choosing a reliable mate for life.  And that partly explains the endless cycles of falling in love – breaking -up- falling-in-love again to the extent where we surrender to the forces of cynicism and contempt towards all things romantic .   “Love is not for me.” When is the cycle going to end ?

Realize that the common core of humanity is cracked.  We are all in this boat called Sin and death.  But you can work against the grain.  Your genes and your culture aren’t your destiny.  Only dead fish go with the flow.  If Christ is in you you can make a difference.  Work.  It is still the best four-letter word that leads to results.  Find out what the deal makers are and be critical in identifying the character traits and social conventions that make great relationships successful and lasting.  Be a realistic without compromising your convictions.  Don’t lower your standards by any stretch , but be sensitive about your fellow human beings who aren’t about to be promoted to flawless perfection  any time soon.  Avoid the polar extremes of latching on to just anyone who shows you interest because her face and body and or his income are totally irresistible on the one hand, and being a complete , irremediable homophobic with zero faith in humanity.  Know your configurations. Understand what works for you .  Maybe you can’t deal with a single father. Perhaps her sordid sexual past makes you uneasy, even after she has been redeemed and rehabilitated.  That’s understandable.   Some people are honestly not meant to be together .   However , once you find a good match, a decent chap who is not a dull dude, take time to delight in his or her presence and gifts. Don’t be shallow and despicable and  pass this gem of a lady or gentleman for the next illusory ideal who only exists in your imagination.  Much of human misery is bound up with our restlessness and endless striving for the next best thing and refusing to enjoy the privileges we have now.  


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