Bring Sexy Back


Credit:  Google images .    Justin Timberlake on his album MIRRORS. 
Not a la Timberlake, mind you , but bring sexy back responsibly, wholesomely, within the confines of the marriage covenant.  Any other configuration is fraught with risk, shame , guilt, tragedy, and a plethora of discontent.   The current sexual sphere has yet to improve on God’s wise and timeless principles for managing sex.  Call me old fashioned but sex is one of those activities that should be managed like fire: do it right or get burned.  

“God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.  God blessed them and said to them, ‘be fruitful and increase in number……….'”  Gen. 1:27-28

The man said , ‘ this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”     Gen.  2:23-24

“Marraige should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and sexually immoral. ”    Hebrews 13:4

“The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.   By his power God raised the Lord for the dead and he will raise us also.   Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself?  Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute?   Never!  Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body?  For it is said, the two will become one flesh.   But he who unites himself with the Lord is one in Spirit.  Flee from sexual immorality.  All other sins man commits are outside his body but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.   Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you , whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought with a price .  Therefore honor God with your bodies.  “.  1 Cor.  6:13-20

No.  God and sex and are not incompatible.   Both are made of three letters, with sex possessing God endorsement.  The human race has persisted because of it.  Unless you are a test tube baby,  you have to thank sex for landing you here, naked and screaming .  Sex is like God.  Either we love to hate it or we worship it.   If you happen to worship it, you my single friend may either be doing one of two things:  you are living in sin, or you are a high risk for becoming a cold hearted and callous sexual prick, which is sinful too.  Don’t misunderstand .  This is no Puritan manifesto I’m laying down here.   I believe in sex. Sex is good.   In fact I have to thank it for making it possible for me to be a father.  But there are rules and the rules are in fact consequential for your life and your happiness.  

Sex isn’t the prerogative of validation and attention seeking lustful playboys and sluts.   Sex is for marriage only.   Have you read in the Bible about the single gentleman/lady and their sex life?  There’s no such a thing .  It’s an oxymoron.  If you are single right now and dating you have no right to be demanding sex.  I know, I know , you have been fed all this lines from Sigmund Freud and his kin suggesting that nature does what nature is going to do and that you can’t help it.  So you might as well eat the cake and worry about the repercussions later.   Let me object.  There’s plenty room for dissent not only against  Freud , but also towards the sensational and salacious quips of the pornographers , sly politicians ,  and liberal preachers of vice.   What they say about sex is more often than not subject to bull-s__t.    You are not going to die for abstaining from sex.  Second of all not having sex before marriage beats having it.   The psychological and physical benefits of practicing abstinence while single far outweigh the so called rewards you can gather from engaging your lower belt regions.   Ask around .  The most fulfilling sex lives and marriages are of those who arrived to the honeymoon virgin.   More sex before marriage , means less happiness . The more sexual partners , the more likely you ll end up unhappily ever after.   

Do not surrender the last vestiges of propiety.  Sex is the fingerprint you can’t erase. Ask a gal or a guy who tied the knot while virgin.  They don’t have any regrets.   You might think you can reclaim your virginity after eating the cake before the wedding.  I’m sorry you can’t .   You can not possibly unring the bell.   Words spoken can’t be taken back.   The prize is gone once it has been given away.    A dollar spent is gone forever.   Either apologize and stop fooling around if you want to regain some respect. Notice I say some,  becaue quite frankly you can’t bring virgin back .   Saving yourself for the One.  That’s sexy .  I don’t know about you , but I have a vivid imagination.  Can you imagine all the sexual partners your spouse had ? If you know he or she imagines yours, does it make her/him uneasy about all your past sex buddies ? Sex is not like eating peanuts.  Slow down your sexual roll.  Do you have a romantic interest , partner, or fiancĂ© who seduces you at every whim and corner and that’s making you uncomfortable?   Edge them out.   Bid your player mate adieu.   If you call yourself a Christ One, there’s zero room for comprise.   Dodge a bullet and say no even if you have to flash a wry grin.  Don’t join the common rooster of lusties and those seemingly irresistible timeless pieces of men /women candy with their guns blazing.   Keep your dignity, preserve the mystery , and likely save yourself from an STD nor two, plus  a shotgun wedding.  

The Bible’s definition of safe sex is called MARRAIGE.   Condoms break and not all forms of disease can be averted  by the various forms of protective genital gear.  You might as well be playing Russian Rulette should you engage in sexual activity with a carrier of disease.  Until you are willing and able to place a weeding ring on your mate you have no business on insisting on a condom outside the parameters of marriage.   Do not ask anybody for sex whom you are not willing to hinge as a spouse.   Lust demands birth pills and condoms, true love waits and seeks commitment. The so called sexual revolution and liberation of the 1960’s and 1970’s had more affinity to a rebellion than a revolution per se.   People didn’t suddenly discover that sex was free to have without the complications of love .   No.  People actually woke up to the notion that conservative and traditional perceptions of morality and sexualutiy needed nuanced, in keeping with “modern”times . Suddenly  the high time had dawn to revise tradition and dogma in exchange for sexual self-determination.     Throw God out of the sexsphere.   We are better handling sex ourselves.   The prohibited tree of sexual indulgence became more appealing than the tree of life of restraint and discipline.   The consequences ?   Eating the forbidden fruit brought about unintended repercussions that on second consideration, didn’t make nakedness all that glorious.  I’m thinking along the lines of Genesis 3 in case you missed it!

Maintain and acknowledge your sex drive as a gift from God but keep it low key while single.  Flaunting your sexuality is perfectly permissible under the blankets of the marriage bed (1 Corinthians 7:3-5), but not in the marketplace.    You are not a peacock.   Booty call , one night stands , and scoring short lived sexual flings have all the ability to booster the ego, but that’s a bubble bursting in no time.   Sexual trysts and adventures aren’t sustainable in the way that a committed loving marriage is.  Sex off the cuff is like a drug and you can’t get enough of it because your use and abuse of it has turned it into a game.   It has assumed toy dimensions.  There’s a proper place for modesty and decency at all stages of life but particularly at that time of our sexual self awakening, when the urges of hormones are kicking in and the meaning of temptation is more pronounced.   Accuse me of being a puritanical killjoy but your skirts should probably be longer than your vagina.   Any blatant display of sensuality deigned to invite unrestained lust has no place in a Christ follower.   To do otherwise is to court trouble.     Simple is better and less is more.   A Nobel peace prize has yet to be conferred to vice.    Pursue pure sex therefore and honor Christ doing so.   The alternative will be your gradual but certain descent and decay into the vast moral sewer the God -alienated world is.


If Only God Hand Picked a Mate For Me

If God hand picked a mate for you you might not be pleased with the outcome.  

Hosea 1:2-3

“Go and take for you and adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness because the land is guilty of adultery in the vilest form.”

No. That’s not a typo.  It’s not a misprint.   God did tell one guy one time to marry a hooker.  Weird , whacky, and wild , uh!  This story constitutes one of the most salacious dramas in the whole Bible, involving the respectable Man of God and his vice bride.  Think of it.  Hosea is single and well qualified, possessing a distinguished and impeccable prophetic resume.  But the air is about to be sucked out of his guts :  he is commanded to hinge with a virtual prostitute (Hosea 3:3).  How’s that as a an option to enhance his career and life ?  Can you picture the expression in his peers’ and parents ‘ face?

Wanna reconsider the single life again? 

I’m adamant about my stance that God refuses to micromanage anybody’s life.  But poor Hosea disproves my point , right , because God told him exactly who to marry.  Well in life there’s this thing called exemptions.  Not all is black or white out there.   Fifty shades of grey is more than a fictional novel .  God does draw outside the lines sometimes and unless we are dealing with the Ten Commandments and the Golden Rule, many things are simply not set in stone .  Even the six hundreds plus commandments of the Torah don’t cover every single aspect of living . We are supposed to fill in the blanks. We must employ our inner moral compass based on that which carries a proven track record for maximizing and enhancing life and happiness:

“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praise worthy, think about such things” (Philippians 4:8). 

I take it that God expects us to avail ourselves of informed and sanctified common sense when making critical life choices such as whom to marry.  The rules are not loose and open for negotiation , however.  The parameters are firm and not in flux:

“Don’t be unequally joked with unbelievers ” ( 2 Corinthians 6:14).

Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons” 

Deuteronomy 7:3).  

Simple enough. If that guy or gal doesn’t love Christ and his Word, ditch them.  Fill in the rest.  God isn’t going to finish your homework.   If you are waiting on God to show you by happenstance, vision, dream, or prophetic oracle about the identity of the One, you might as well plan for perpetual bachelorhood .   Take initiative .  Quit being indecisive.  Go out and meet people where people gather.  No not the bar. Not the whore house.  Stay out of the Devil’s Den.   Butterflies don’t hang out in swamps and bat infested dark caves.  They will suck out your blood.  Try the flower fields.   Not all churches are necessarily virtue clubs, but if you find singles there , chances are they aren’t there to be cured of a hangover or needing exorcism.  So I suggest you try the church house and strike out the Penthouse or Big House.  

Desist in having God as your personal life coach.  If God were to give you everything you asked, at your whims and preferences, who would be God?   The difference between God and us is that God doesn’t think he is us.    Give it up .  Get a life.  Make some tough choices.  Take a risk for love. If romance isn’t for you get a puppy , a hobby , a job and go on a quest to conquer the world .  The world is in need of fighters , not wimps and consumers.   

If God has a larger , more strategic purpose for your life, then he might well ask you to marry a shady character, an ex con, a single parent or whatever .  But that isn’t going to happen unless your ears are tuned in and adjusted to hear from God.   You and God have got to be aligned on the same wavelength so that you can discover his will.   And although the Hosea saga may be a one of a kind event , never -to-be-repeated occurrence,  you never will understand what the Lord in his wisdom has laid out for you unless you care to follow orders and be faithful .  

It’s not as complicated as it seems.  

Why doesn’t God do anything about my predicament ?  You gotta be kidding me .  Why don’t you?   You have two healthy legs, start walking !    Ten fingers can accomplish a lot , have you tried them lately?   The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.   Try work . Rumor has it it leads to results. God won’t assume responsibility for all all your choices.   Are you prepared if he pulled a Hosea out his sleeve?  I’m using faulty logic here ( and who uses logic anymore?).   It doesn’t follow that because you surrender will power that God is going to assume control .   No. You are in control .   You are simply misguided.   You are at the wheel.  But not without a reliable guide .   The plan is already published .  Don’t be doing the lame thing of conjuring up your own plan and expecting God to endorse it.   You get aligned with what God is doing.   The path isn’t farther than those 1400 pages of holy Writ.  That’s a good place to start.  

Soulmates and the romantic fictions of the West

“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and  cling to his wife and the two will become one flesh.  Therefore what has joined together let no one put asunder  ” ( Matthew 19:15-16). 

“Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her”. (Ephesians 5:25).
Love just doesn’t happen.  You thought you fell in love at first sight with that sexy Muffin of a chap, but really , love at first sight is a physical and emotional impossibility.  You experienced a rush of lust. Don’t mistake that for love, please.  

You think your love story is charted in the stars ? Geez you probably are a card carrying believer of the Horoscope.   The horoscope isn’t astronomy.  No hard science there.  This is how spurious and ludicrous the horoscope is:  say someone is hungry and in pain right now. Of how many people is that statement going to be true ? Countless millions!  Just because hunger and pain are the common lot of humanity.  It doesn’t take the enlightenment of the Horscope to state the obvious , duh.  If you throw enough arrows at target, for sure you will hit it eventually .  

Well then if the stars haven’t predetermined my life or my love or my wallet , surely God must have .  Nope!  I don’t believe God has a purpose for your life. Not in the area of romance .  Is God the micromanaging type?  Does he have a word to you as far as your diet, your fashion, and your hobbies ?   I would worry about you to the point of questioning your sanity if you claim God is telling you what to wear and whether to wear Revlon or store brand makeup.    Indeed God has a purpose for humanity , but that purpose is bound up with Christ.  God’s purpose is to make his Son the apex of a new creation to which humanity should belong.   There’s is human will. Human freedom isn’t an illusion .  God expects you to take charge of your life , your spouse, your kids, your job. The Angels won’t swoop down to do it. Stop being lazy.  

Wanna kill me yet ? Get in line.   Now accepting applications .  Hahah.  For so long we have been fed this ridiculous ideas about love and romance that detract from our happiness rather than enhance  it.  Your love ideal, crush, soulmate, Other Half, whatever you want to call it, is whom you choose to make so.  The love of your life is not out there floating in the Great Ether , the Constellations, Fate , or other non sense. He or she is a a typical Homo sapiens wondering around just as you are and possessing more or less the same flesh and bones as you do . Nothing especial about them.   Until you discover them !   Yeah finding true love is a process of discovering that person who is compatible with you and with whom you can establish some common ground.  Once you run into this person, how are you going to make him or her the love of your life? CHOICE.  That’s it. No magic . No witchcraft.  No shaman charms.  Your conscious, determinate choice to build something meaningful together .  It is going to be a mutual agreement . Otherwise your love and appreciation and attention won’t be reciprocated.  And without reciprocation, love can’t work.   

Our popular ideas of love are utterly upside down in the ethos of the West.   The idea of romantic love starts off with the notion that love is something someone falls into , it just happens and we have no control over it.  The Bible begs to differ. It’s message is truly and irremediably countertuitive.   We are comparing the light of candles with the light of stars here.  God’s principles are timeless. God commands us to love .  Granted the condition of marriage , in whatever  cultural manifestation,  we are admonished to  display love selflessly and sacrifically.   Our culture dictates : be in love and then get married. If it doesn’t work, bail out.  But God says , because you have entered into this agreement with this person , you MUST love.  Make it work.    You chose this person to be in covenant with, tough , stick with it and love her /him.  Divorce not an option .  You chose this person , you are bound by covenant , now get on with it . Make her or him the love of your life.  Scary uh?  That’s God’s way and no one really has improved on it .  It is a superior ethic than the shams and whims of conventional thinking where love is treated as a commodity and as a product disposable once it no longer fits our fancies.  God’s way is wholesome, fostering stability and security against the streams of arbitrariness and breakups and distractions and general stupidity and immaturity and irresponsibility.  Try it God’s way.  Maybe you will have success this time.   

Romance Imposible: The Tall Tales of the Undateables


SIMPLY  put there are singles who can’t find romance. Or they won’t.  

  • You are trying to find your unicorn in the zoo. See a problem with that? 
  • You have deeply ingrained personal flaws that repel rather than attract members of the opposite sex


  • You have highly unrealistic expectations about what love is supposed to do


  • Your standards are off the wall.  I mean you are holding up  a guy to the size of Jesus and deem him inadequate if he doesn’t foot the bill. Therefore you end up crucifying him. Reality is some of us would certainly find flaws in Christ if we were to date him ( Jesus attended loud parties, drank wine, talked to women [a no-no for the insecure, overly attached jealous girlfriends ], hang out with the down-and-outs and riff raff of society, didn’t wash before eating , etc).  

Disclaimer: Standards are needed.  You are setting yourself up for failure and disappointment if your habit is to recruit the first available mediocre Jane off the street only because.  But this is exactly the scenario adopted by many unsuspecting , impressionable, and naive singles.  They uncritically ubscribe to the myth of love at first sight and other romantic hogwash perpetrated by songs and films.  The end result is that you get hinged to a total stranger who is all a polished image on the outside but is possessed of insignificant substance in matters of the heart.   Here arises the legend of the creep, the prick, the douchbag , and the bitch.  Why , there was no writing in the wall about their detrimental character.  Wrong. You didn’t invest time in getting to know them first.  You fell for their image while the real person was locked up inside ready to lurk out once all the charade of pretense is over.  Admittedly all of us put our best foot forward while pursuing love and romance while our true self awaits discovery sometime after the honeymoon. 

A common stereotype has it that women date status and men date sex appeal and youth.  But that is romance at the level of the lowest common denominator.  If pushed to the wall any girl would like that guy sporting the Porsche and flashing the six -figure 500 Fortune executive job. No guy would hesitate dating the top rank of the supermodels.  Our culture admires sexiness and achievement. All of us , secretly or overtly simply longs to hold hands with someone who has their life up on a golden throne.   Pure economics and sex appeal won’t cut the ice however, in terms of sustaining a long term relationship.  If that were true the sexiest and most privileged in our society would have the most successful marriages and the least divorces. But that is not so .  Celebrities and magnates and models divorce at about the same rate as the rest of us simpletons.   What if he loses his job?  What about when the sex appeal fades ?  Are you going to jump ship and look for greener pastures or are you going to dumpt her for the next younger of her peers? 

Maybe you can’t find a decent date because you are too picky and judgemental.  Or you have significant trust issues due to a past bitter love experience. “All guys are the same. ” Really , who told you to try them all?  

  • She only finished high school
  • He doesn’t own a car
  • She rents , not own a home
  • He buys his clothes at Walmart 
  • She has a rocky past
  • He still lives with his parents 

You need to be clear and honest about what you want.  Sure enough everybody is entitled to date someone of their choosing according to some criteria.  The problem is some singles don’t know what they are aiming for.  They can’t decide.  Anything goes.  How about you begin with a wish list and work yourself though the deal breakers.   Our culture expects us to fall in love rather spontaneously , epically , magically almost, and we don’t give much thought to loving smart.  How to fall in love and succeed is not taught in school.  We leave that to common conventions , instinct, or the call of nature .  We easily abandon reason and good judgment when choosing a reliable mate for life.  And that partly explains the endless cycles of falling in love – breaking -up- falling-in-love again to the extent where we surrender to the forces of cynicism and contempt towards all things romantic .   “Love is not for me.” When is the cycle going to end ?

Realize that the common core of humanity is cracked.  We are all in this boat called Sin and death.  But you can work against the grain.  Your genes and your culture aren’t your destiny.  Only dead fish go with the flow.  If Christ is in you you can make a difference.  Work.  It is still the best four-letter word that leads to results.  Find out what the deal makers are and be critical in identifying the character traits and social conventions that make great relationships successful and lasting.  Be a realistic without compromising your convictions.  Don’t lower your standards by any stretch , but be sensitive about your fellow human beings who aren’t about to be promoted to flawless perfection  any time soon.  Avoid the polar extremes of latching on to just anyone who shows you interest because her face and body and or his income are totally irresistible on the one hand, and being a complete , irremediable homophobic with zero faith in humanity.  Know your configurations. Understand what works for you .  Maybe you can’t deal with a single father. Perhaps her sordid sexual past makes you uneasy, even after she has been redeemed and rehabilitated.  That’s understandable.   Some people are honestly not meant to be together .   However , once you find a good match, a decent chap who is not a dull dude, take time to delight in his or her presence and gifts. Don’t be shallow and despicable and  pass this gem of a lady or gentleman for the next illusory ideal who only exists in your imagination.  Much of human misery is bound up with our restlessness and endless striving for the next best thing and refusing to enjoy the privileges we have now.