“I’m my lover’s and my lover is mine.”
Song of Solomon 6:3
The ultimate obsession become a possession. He is mine, she is mine. This writer whoever he or she was, isn’t saying that of Joeboyfriend, romantic interest, date, or sexual fantasy, but of a spouse. Yeah. This is a short hand expression of the two-become-one flesh fusion. When we unite to the other in love, we become a solidarity.
The fusion of souls isn’t a pipe dream, an illusion, pie-in- the-sky sort of enterprise. In the counsel of God, as God designed the blueprint for true, lasting love, that is the dynamic of how love is supposed to be. Are you wondering why you feel incomplete in your present dating experience, bogged down, insecure, afraid? Gee, well , let me break it to you: what you have outside of marriage, outside of loving commitment, is a project under construction, incomplete, uncertain. If you are not in love for the long haul, you are heading for Breakupville.
“husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Really, love as a death proposition? How did Christ gave himself up for his people? By dying! If you are not in it to die for the one and only, then you can’t call it marriage. Your girlfriend is not your wife. You don’t posses her. She is not yours, you are not his. The flowers, the chocolate, the kisses under the rain don’t constitute the promise of life long commitment, although it points in that direction if the good intentions are there. If not , then your relationship is as uncertain as tomorrow’s weather, as improbable as your next lottery ticket.
If you dare to issue a rebuttal ” geez, marriages are not certain either, so anything goes.” Granted. No fault divorce laws, general ill will, , omissions, and evil commissions by one or both spouses, and the possible daily calamities make marriage a risky proposition . But because both of you have been endowed by intelligence and will , which presumably are more or less stable, not deranged, you are supposed to make your love certain. You must work to make it secure. No one’s love story is written in the stars. Whom you love is your choice, not your destiny.
If I’m making sound as if love is a duty, it is. Once you are in it, in marriage, you have an obligation to love. You can’t let down , backtrack, or surrender. You must do it. Else marriage is not for you. Don’t even bother. Get a puppy instead. He will never leave.
If you decide you are plunging into marriage with the cynicism and the skepticism of a reckless gambler or a politician, you won’t have a marriage. Not for long. Painful chaos and pain will be your most faithful friend, guaranteed. You must decide to stay in marriage with iron will determination in order to forestall dissolution.
If what I’m suggesting is unrealistic, then you don’t have it in you to make the cut. Not yet at least. But don’t lose heart, people change and one day you may wake up to the realization that you have in fact become a gold standard, courageous lover.
Human nature being what it is, not everybody dating is going to sail to the next step, not every relationship will wind up in Loveland. But let me underscore, if you are not dating with a view towards getting hinged, then what are you doing? Playing love games? Gambling with other people’s feelings? You are a love killer if in fact that’s your modus operandi. If you discover that someone is not for you, you owe it to that person to proposition an amicable going of your own ways, before things degenerate into ugly split ups. If you are wise and are intent on subscribing to Gods will for your life, then please do not be stuck in the endless cycle of relationship- breakup-relationship fashionable with pop culture . We were made to settle down, to form families, to rear children. Perpetual dating and switching mates only serves to fracture the heart, the inner core, leaving people insecure and afraid to love. Avoid that. Refuse love as a trial. It will make you divorce prone because by then you would have developed the vicious habit of running away and love hopping instead of fixing what’s dysfunctional.
You can’t go on dating forever. Your beauty capital is going to exhaust as certain as the clock is ticking towards the next hour. The dating pool diminishes with age. When you are old and homely and sick wouldn’t you rather have a reliable partner standing by your side rather than cranking up the uncertainties of the dating game? Love is sacred. As such it must be safeguarded for marriage. If marriage is not for you and you want to remain single, do yourself and others a favor and quit slaying victims. Don’t date and don’t be making others fall in love if your only intention is to dump them later. If you are able to envision yourself possessing and being possessed by your lover, start now by acting on what God has commanded: treat love with respect and only give it when you know for certain that it is for keeps, not the garbage dump.